The Pinnacle Of Human Achievement #48: Wax Paper.

This might seem a bit outta left field, but stick with me here.

We were talking about hot dogs at the office—we talk about hot dogs a lot, come to think of it. And we got to talking about what makes a good hot dog really, really good.

Personally, I like boiled ones better than grilled ones, for starters. And I absolutely HATE ketchup on anything (is that un-American?).

I'm convinced that the key to the whole hot dog deal is wax paper. You go to the hot dog place, they drop your hot dog in a sheet of wax paper and wrap it up (an artful, truly amazing thing to watch through the window at Raleigh's Char Grill). The hot dog sits in there all snuggly and the bun gets steamed by the moisture coming off the hot dog and the chili and stuff. And it all just sorta sits there and comingles, for lack of a better word.

So, rather than a number of separate flavors--like bun, dog, chili and mustard--you get just ONE thing: chili dog. All the flavors are fused somehow through the wax paper's startling superpowers.

My wife was saying this morning that the same thing applies to hamburgers. And she's right. Get you a cheeseburger from the Burger Boy in Wilson and you'll see what I mean-—it all becomes one flavor unit. This is why the hamburgers in fancier restaurants aren't as good—-they bring 'em to you in pieces, so the flavors haven't had a chance to sneak around and get all comfortable with each other.

Some places try the same trick with tin foil. And while that works OK, there's something about the sneak peak you get through the wax paper-—the smeared/squashed chili, for instance-—that does it for me. The Billiard Academy in my hometown, Thomasville, GA, always gives you a visible chili stripe beneath the first layer of wax paper. (By the way, the Billiard Academy might have the best hot dogs in the world.)

The point of all this is that we should all stop for a minute and realize how much better our hot dogs, and therefore our very lives, are because of wax paper.

Four aluminum cylinders of raw power!

My Mom passed away in March after a long bout with cancer. Ever since, the smallest, goofiest of memories take on almost cosmic importance. Right now, they're all we've got.

The other day, we were at Walmart (my absolute all-time least favorite place to be) to get cat litter or sinus headache medicine or something. As usual, I cruised down the Hot Wheels/Johnny Lightning/Matchbox aisle. And I came across a pre-painted 1:24 scale model of an orange 1974 Chevy Vega. And the memories hit me like the Santa Fe Super Chief.

We had a pair of Vegas. Brand new '74s. Both orange. Dad had the GT with the rally stripe and the white interior—exactly like the one you see above. Mom's was the station wagon (no fake wood on the side, thank God). Black interior. Sorry, couldn't find a picture of it. I thought they looked so damn cool sitting together in our Cary, North Carolina, driveway.

It was in that Vega wagon that Mom drove me and my best friend James to see JAWS at the Village Theatre in the summer of '75. Not to mention hauling us all over Raleigh to buy monster models and monster magazines and monster whatever-the-hell-else. I was 10.

Eventually, my aunt ended up with the GT. Not sure where the wagon went.

Of course, Vegas are now known for their problems. All-aluminum engines crapping out. Rust. Interiors falling apart. But I don't remember us having any trouble with ours. (Sadly, when you see them now, either they're stacked three-high waiting for the crusher, or some gearhead has turned it into some sorta pro stock drag machine.) Chevy sold a bunch of them.

Anyway, standing in that damn Walmart looking at that toy car, all that stuff came crashing back. Mom. The cars. James. JAWS. The monsters. The Delco radio. The black vinyl seats being hotter than 40 hells in the summer. Good times. If my childhood was a baseball bat, those Vega years would certainly be the sweet spot.

So, for once, my trip to the dreaded land of Sam Walton ended on a positive note. And by the way, my daughter gave me the model for Father's Day.