For a second there, things were looking up.

I have a theory: any movie seems better when you have Raisinets. This hypothesis was developed when considering all the cheap, crummy monster movies I watched--and loved--as a kid, with a Coke and Raisinets always handy. I have a deeply-rooted appreciation for what makes cinema a true art form, so what else could be making me love junk like "War Of The Gargantuas," "The Crater Lake Monster" and "The She-Creature?" It ain't the acting or cinematography, folks. Must be the sugar.

When Nestle bought the company that made Raisinets back in the Eighties, they screwed them up. They just weren't as good, so I switched to Brach's and have been more or less faithful to them for the last 22 years.

Well, at the store the other day, my wife came across a bag of Dark Raisinets. I had to have them. This was just the sort of life-affirming event I've been hoping for.

But guess what? It's not real dark chocolate! They taste just fine, but pretty weak for "dark" chocolate.

They're loaded with fat and cholesterol, but brag on the package about their anitoxidants. I feel a little conned or ripped off or lied to or something.

But I'm gonna need another bag before long.